Transcript
Speaker 1: There are a lot of things that I want in life, but there are very few things that I want more than the boy I like to kiss me. This doesn’t mean you have to come right out and do that, kiss me you fool. I mean, really, with a gun to my head I wouldn’t do that. So, if you want a guy to lock lips with you, you can send a series of subtle, nonverbal cues that will get the job done.
First and foremost, eye contact. Girls, I know, believe me I know this is so hard. It’s hard even at this age. At your age it’s hard too. You want to tilt your chin down and look up. This gesture, biologically, signifies submission like in their weird caveman brains. This means that you’re vulnerable and you’re soft and adorable. You’re not but whatever. Let them think what they want to think…
Speaker 2: …I mean we want to hunt, so we want something…
Speaker 1: …Right…
Speaker 2: …submissive so it’s easier…
Speaker 1: …right…
Speaker 2: …to hunt.
Speaker 1: You can be an incredibly independent career woman. That’s great. That is great. When it comes to kissing a boy you like you need to take a step back and, you know, be a softer lady.
So, here we go. Hi.
Speaker 2: Hey.
Speaker 1: OK. T.O. You see what I did there? I tilted my chin down. I looked up. I bit my lip. I looked at his mouth and his eyes. I didn’t linger on any of those areas too long because it’s awkward. To be quite honest it’s hard to make eye contact with the boy you like for too long. So, if you combine all of these things into one you can lean back, tilt, look, bite, look, look. And it creates this delicious symphony of sexual tension that he will act upon.
Let’s try it again.
Yeah, so, I mean, this is cross [?] science that’s like
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, who knows that kind of…
Speaker 1: …I know…
Speaker 2: …stuff…
Speaker 1: I don’t know.
Speaker 2: It’s like I don’t know what plants are.
Speaker 1: Who would know what a plant is?
Speaker 2: Photosynthesis is…
Speaker 1: …I got into Harvard but I’m totally not going to talk about that right now.
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I got into community college.
Speaker 1: Which community?
Okay. We were communicating through the silent yet unerring language of eye contact. It doesn’t matter what we were talking about. We could’ve been talking about the Olympics, Hitler’s Germany, broccoli, it doesn’t matter. We were communicating right here.
So girls, and guys, if you want to really enrapture your audience look in their eyes, and I promise you I know this is hard, but the reward is so worth it. Isn’t it?
