Instructions
- Step 1: Pick a product Pick a product that’s easy to use and cheap to manufacture. Does it appeal to daytime TV aficionados, stoned college kids, and insomniacs desperate for human contact? You bet it does! Give your product a short name, so you can sell it fast.
- Step 2: Locate a shill Find someone who wants nothing more than to proclaim the wonder of your product. Just give them a headset mic and watch as they do the work for you — incredible!
- TIP: Team your spokesperson with a dubiously qualified expert to add a little more clout to your infomercial.
- Step 3: Construct a set Choose a setting where your spokesperson can demonstrate your product’s extraordinary value in everyday situations. Cooking food, cleaning the house, hanging out with friends — how you show off your wares is all up to you!
- TIP: You can add a demonstration in an extreme situation to highlight even more incredible qualities.
- Step 4: Get testimonials Find a few average Joes willing to speak about your product’s amazing abilities in quick, 3-second sound bites. But, wait — there’s more!
- Step 5: Add shipping and handling For a big finish, overprice your product by an unconscionable amount, then slash the price in half and throw in a cheap related gadget. Finally, offer a two-for-one deal and never before seen prices, and have a deep-voiced announcer tell people how to order. Then, start thinking of the next product you can sell, today!
- FACT: The term “free gift” — commonly used at the end of infomercials to help seal the deal — is redundant.
You Will Need
- Product
- Spokesperson
- Headset mic
- Set
- Average Joes
- Related product
- Low price
- Deep-voiced announcer
- Dubious expert (optional)
- Extreme scenario (optional)
