Transcript
Simon: Well, you guys are back again. I’ve got a question for you. It’s not really a bet this time, just a question. Let’s imagine you were a bartender and you’ve turned up at your bar. Now obviously, you’ve got to get the bar ready, right? You’ve got to get all the stuff out and you’ve got to slice the limes and the lemons and things. But let’s just say, Jillian, that a mad ninja thief… I know it’s a bit of a stretch, but in my fantasy land I live in, it works. And that ninja thief has arrived in the night and stolen all the knives from your bar. How do you slice up the limes and the lemons?
Man: You can rip them open, maybe? No.
Simon: No, it wouldn’t be pretty. No, it wouldn’t be pretty.
Man: Yeah, you’ve got me. I don’t know how you’d cut them.
Simon: And all you have on you is a pack of cigarettes and a book of matches.
Man: Burn them up? Smoke them?
Simon: And now, you’ve got to slice the lime. That’s a lime, with the cigarette. That’s all you’ve got. Your little pack of cigarettes and your light.
Jillian: I don’t know, but I bet you’re going to tell us.
Simon: Well, I know you’d just bet me. He’s going to pony up a drink for it.
Man: All right.
Simon: Because you know he wants to know how to use a cigarette to slice a lime.
Man: I mean, it’s not sharp enough, not sharp at all. You can’t cut through it.
Simon: I mean do you want to try? No, you’re just going to destroy the cigarette, you know that. And these things are $12.50 a pack. In the old days I’d have let him go through four or five cigarettes. But, no. So you’re going to pony up for a drink, right? If I show you how to do it?
Man: Of course, what kind of drink?
Simon: Oh, I’m thinking top shelf.
Man: All right. This is a tough one, then.
Simon: It is.
Man: All right. I’m for it. Let’s do it.
Simon: I like this man, Jillian.
Jillian: I do, too.
Simon: He’s such a patsy. Here’s what you do. See people don’t know that’s there’s all sorts of chemicals in the filters of cigarettes. I’m sure they’re horribly bad for you, but you’ve got to die of something. And what you do is you light the end of the filter of the cigarette. Let it burn a second. Wet your finger and pinch. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Man: Are you all right there?
Jillian: Yeah?
Simon: What do you think? Sometimes to win money, you have to have pain.
Jillian: Sacrifice.
Simon: But what it does, it makes that… do you want to feel it?
Jillian: Oh, my gosh.
Simon: It makes it like a knife-edge.
Man: Wow.
Simon: So, when you slice it…
Man: You cut right through the lime.
Simon: … you can slice right into it.
Man: Wow.
Simon: And that, my friends, is how you do the lime-aid.
