Instructions
- Step 1: Get the types Aim for a mix of “types” — pretty in a wholesome way, nerdy in a cool way, sexy and a bit dangerous, androgynous. Everyone should look good in skimpy stage costumes.
- TIP: If you have a choice between 2 equally qualified musicians, go with the one with sexier stage presence.
- Step 2: Find a Svengali Find a Svengali. Behind every successful girl band is a big man in the music industry — making them sex up their act, trying to sleep with them, and taking an unfair cut of their earnings.
- Step 3: Have some moves Have some dance moves. Great choreography is the key to compelling stage shows and music videos. That, and near-nudity.
- TIP: Give whoever can’t dance a tambourine to bang.
- Step 4: Court a little controversy Generate buzz by planting salacious rumors in the press and behaving appallingly now and then. Remember, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.
- TIP: Hooking up with another celebrity is a surefire way to get the tabloids’ interest.
- Step 5: Find a catchy tune Find a catchy tune to record. For inspiration, research the pop genre known as “bubblegum.” You’ll have plenty of time to establish your musical cred later.
- Step 6: Plan your solo career Secretly work on some of your own music so that, just as the band’s popularity is peaking, you can launch your solo career. If it doesn’t work out, there are always reunion tours.
- FACT: In 2003, 3 Afghan women defied the Taliban by forming the “Burka Band” and secretly recording the song “Burka Blue,” which became an internet hit.
You Will Need
- Sexy bandmates
- Svengali
- Dance moves
- Controversy
- Catchy tune
- Famous hook-ups (optional)
