How to Understand Sex

Transcript So there is one thing I know having worked with many cancer survivors. It is that not only is the diagnosis and the treatment of cancer so difficult in and of itself, but it can often really change how you feel about your body and ultimately have significant sexual side effects. That may be …

Transcript Hi, I’m Dr. Megan Fleming, and I’m a clinical psychologist and certified sex and relationship therapist here in New York City. I’ve been practicing for the past fifteen years in private practice, and I’m also a clinical instructor of psychology and psychiatry at Wilde Cornell Medical College of New York Presbyterian Hospital. I’m also …

Transcript How to initiate sex. Well, if that isn’t the $10,000 or $1,000,000 question. Is this a new sexual partner, or is it someone you’ve been in a relationship with for a while? Generally, there’s what I call “green light.” You start to notice by their eye contact, their interest in conversation, their physical proximity, …

Transcript So I think it’s great that you have enough insight and intuition to realize that stress and sex generally don’t go well together. In fact, I do a lot of educating of my clients about what I consider conditions for good sex, because most people somehow think it’s going to be automatic and spontaneous …

Transcript So if you’re on antidepressants and concerned about sexual function, I want to let you know that there are a lot of treatment options and strategies available. It’s certainly true that certain antidepressants; the SSRIs in particular, do have known sexual side effects. Predominately it can lead to loss of libido and difficulty with …

Transcript As a sex therapist, we see clients with difficulties in sort of the full range of the sexual response. By that, I mean I see a lot of people who are struggling with sexual desire. Sometimes I see couples where there’s a desire discrepancy where one partner is far more interested in sex than …

Transcript So, today we are hearing all these stories about can monogamy really still exist. I can tell you personally, I’ve been married 12 years and have two kids. And the way to keep your sex life alive and fresh is by putting new energy into it. When you explore and think about all the …

Transcript So when you’re single there are going to be a lot of opportunities to have sex. Some you’re gonna want to take advantage of and some that you’re gonna wanna decline. I think it’s important that you know yourself and what’s the kind of experience that you’re interested in having. Because if ultimately you …

Transcript Commonly, when couples come into my practice, they complain about having different levels of sexual desire and the challenges that that brings to the relationship. And one of the things I can tell you is that it’s often pretty normal that in time one of you is likely to have more interest in sex …

Transcript Well I’m excited that you’ve asked this question, because so many people are struggling with sexual difficulties or sexual health concerns. And they feel like they don’t know where to turn, or they try to go to the internet, or self-help. And there’s nothing quite like the experience of speaking with a qualified expert. …

Transcript If you’re a man looking at this video and you’ve all of a sudden began to feel like, where did my libido go? I used to remember feeling desirous, wanting sex all the time, having sexy thoughts, seeing someone on the street and spontaneously getting aroused and noticing that no longer seems to be …

Transcript So if you’re watching this video, and you’ve been feeling pressured to have sex, the first thing I can say is that is a complete turnoff. And if you haven’t already communicated that, that’s the place to start. I don’t know if this is a new partner or if this is a established relationship. …

Transcript So if you’re watching this video and you’re experiencing performance anxiety, part of what I already know is you probably are very concerned about giving your partner pleasure. However, it is that focus on what you want to have happen, in fact for many of you what you feel like has to happen, that …

Transcript So I imagine it’s already obvious to you that, of course drugs and alcohol affect sexual function. The question is; does it make it better or does it make it worse? And the reality is even in a given substance; alcohol for example, it can do both. A little bit of alcohol is often …

Transcript The thing that you need to realize is that sex therapy is a talk therapy. There will be no disrobing; there will be no exercises that you’ll be doing in the session. But it is often true that we do give exercises that you will be doing at home or with your partner. So …

Transcript So, if you’re looking at this question about how to get yourself in the mood for sex, I think generally it may surprise you that, if you’re a man, you’re finding yourself in this position. I think it’s one of the hardest things to realize that, culturally, we just assume that men are always …

Transcript What I love about Shades of Gray, is that it’s opened up a conversation for women to talk about what turns them on, and that they’re reading erotic novels in book clubs all across America. To me, it’s kind of like Viagra introduced the conversation about sex. This has now taken it to women …

Transcript So the first thing I want you to know if you’re looking to have a stronger, firm erection is to think about what turns you on. Because in order to have your most optimal arousal response, you have to be the most turned you can be. And arousal is both physical and psychological. So …

Transcript So, I know that if you’re looking at this video, you’re probably feeling frustrated by either taking a really long time to have an orgasm or for some men, even with a lot of sexual stimulation, you just feel like you can’t reach that point of inevitability, you actually can’t ejaculate or have an …

Transcript So, if you are here watching this video; I imagine one or both of you are pretty frustrated by having been living in a sexless marriage. And the first thing I wanna say is, you know there is a reason that it looks that way. And I think you both have to take a …

Transcript I love answering questions on prevention because you have the right focus. You know so often people don’t come to a sex therapist or seek treatment until they’ve already got a difficulty or have noticed problems with arousal erections. So it’s great that you care about your health and your sexual health. So the …

Transcript Well I would love to say that there is a formula to bringing your female partner to orgasm, I can only tell you that there are ingredients and that generally, if you put in the right mix of these ingredients she’s going to have a wonderful, in fact many wonderful orgasms. For men sometimes, …

Transcript I think for any man watching this, you already know that porn has been a part of your life from pretty much I would say early preteen years to the present. And I think for any women who would be watching this, it’s important you realize that porn has probably been a big part …

Transcript So watching this video, I’m sure you already know, when it comes to male sex drive it’s not something that stays static for all your life, when you’re in your pre-teens, or twenties, and I’m sure you remember sex was on your brain all the time. I fact you were probably getting hard all …

Transcript If you’re looking at this video I imagine on some level you’re wondering whether or not you measure up. Um, I think that a lot of men are self conscious about their penis size. And is it big enough and is it large enough and is it wide enough and am I going to …

Transcript So the first thing I want you to understand if you are a man looking at this video and wondering what happens when your female partner is having difficulty having an orgasm is to realize it may not be about you. Often in my clinical practice when women are having difficulty reaching orgasm it’s …

Transcript What you want to know about sex toys is they come in all shapes and all sizes. But they can greatly enhance your pleasure with your partner. So don’t be afraid to try new ones on because some of them vibrate some of them don’t. Some of them are for penetration, some of them …

Transcript So the first thing I want to say about masturbation is, it’s completely normal; just re-frame it and think about it as self-stimulation. And what we know is that even in-utero babies already start to touch themselves because they know intuitively what feels good. You’re certainly going to see toddlers and kids way before …

Transcript I personally don’t think that globally porn is a bad thing. In fact, I think it has absolutely a healthy place in a balanced sexual life. For many people porn is something that they enjoy as part of their erotic life for masturbation. And for others it is something that they actually enjoy sharing …

Transcript I think many of you out there might be thinking really, are women watching porn? And I can tell you the answer is yes. Although it’s certainly not in the numbers that men are looking at porn. It’s true that a lot of women equally when they’re doing self-exploration, curious about what turns them …

Transcript So the first thing I wanna say is that, people masturbate for many different reasons; and yet there are a few common ones. So if you weren’t already aware, it’s not only just for sexual pleasure and the release of orgasm; but often it’s the tension relief that someone experiences physiologically from orgasm. It’s …

Transcript Patients that have a hair transplant often fear what people would call “shock loss” or hair loss, which is a shedding of hair after the surgery. Now, some people call this telogen effluvium, but it may be more correctly called an antigen effluvium. And this is a result of hair loss that occurs after …

Transcript So, if you are watching this video; I can only imagine you are one of those men who do love big breasts or you are one of those women who are wondering, why don’t they like me because I don’t have big breasts. So the only thing I can tell you is that sometimes …

Transcript So, the thing you need to understand about the female sex drive is that, in general, it’s typically less than the male sex drive, because the principle driver of sexual libido or lustful feelings is testosterone. Women just naturally have less testosterone than men. That being said, if you’re in a new relationship, it’s …

Transcript So for the majority of people looking at this I imagine you might be feeling some level porn is impacting your relationship and that is certainly something that I’d be curious whether or not you had a frank conversation with your partner or perhaps you’re watching this because you yourself are concerned about your …

Transcript So the most important thing I want you to get is that absolutely all forms of erectile dysfunction are treatable. There is a variety of treatment strategies available. The most user friendly, in a sense, and preferred ones are the oral medications. We call them the PDE5 inhibitors. So that is your Viagra, Cialis, …

Transcript You’re either watching this because you’re one of those bad boys or perhaps you’re one of the women trying to figure out, ‘Why is it that I keep going for that one guy who is just unavailable? There’s just something that just constantly draws me toward’ And I can honestly say that sometimes we …

Transcript If you’re looking at this video, and you want to know how to measure your penis, I can imagine you’re thinking perhaps it’s not quite measuring up, so to speak. And you’re just really curious to know exactly you know, how you fit in, and whether or not you’re quote unquote, in the normal …

Transcript So I love this question about sexual compatibility because people most often start to ask it when they’ve been in relationship a while, and they are starting to notice that there is more of a discrepancy in terms of desire, interest for frequency or quality of a sexual experience. And what I can say …

Transcript If you’ve come to the conclusion that you’re a porn addict. I imagine you’re already feeling that it’s completely out of control, or it’s impacting your ability to get aroused, either on your own, or with your partner. It’s important to recognize the treatment is abstinence. It always starts with abstinence only, meaning, from …

Transcript So the first thing that I want you to get if you’re considering oral medication is that you’ve gone to the urologist and you’ve been evaluated and assessed and you’ve been given this medication by a prescribing doctor. Too many times these days I have clients come in where they get these medications online. …

Transcript So, this question whether or not men are programmed to cheat: I can imagine either you’re feeling an inclination yourself to want to cheat on your partner or perhaps you’re a woman who feels like either you’ve been cheated on or suspect your partner of cheating. And what I can say is take a …

Transcript When it comes to treating premature ejaculation, I would say first and foremost, you need to relax. Oftentimes, even if there is sort of a reflex, where you don’t need as much stimulation to reach your point of orgasm, it’s also true that chances are, you’re feeling nervous, anxious, or really don’t want that …

Transcript If you’re interested in why we French kiss, or the benefit, the first thing I can say is, maybe you haven’t done enough of it. Because the reality is when you find the right partner, there’s nothing like French kissing. Not only are you just getting lost in that experience, which turns on your …

Transcript So, the most important thing I want you to understand is that when Viagra or any other oral medication fails, it doesn’t globally mean that an oral medication will not be effective. If you’re like some men, sometimes you just don’t quite understand how the medication works. So, perhaps you thought just by taking …

Transcript When it comes to assessing your porn use, I think by even being on this page there’s a part of you that maybe already considering perhaps is excessive. I think ultimately we all our are own expert. So you need to think to yourself in what way am I going to porn, is it …

Transcript So the great thing to think about with orgasm and the brain is, guess what, although it happens in your genitals. Whether it’s your penis or a vagina in general, often the clitoris. That the way that it is experienced and felt lights up the brain and it’s fabulous if you ever want to …

Transcript So the thing that you need to recognize in asking this question about body language, is often the most communication is through our non-verbal behaviour. So one of the things you wanna look for in a potential partner or somebody to know whether or not they are attracted to you is are they open …

Transcript If you’re one of the men who are attracted to “bad girls.” The first thing I can say is, generally it’s not that they’re so bad. Typically it’s often that they’re confident, they’re sexy, they’re probably bold and adventurous. And there’s really something about that energy that draws you toward. The one thing though …

Transcript So if you’re watching this, I imagine you’ve already begun to experience changes in your arousal response. Maybe it’s difficulty obtaining your erection, maybe it’s difficulty maintaining one. The part that I want you to get is, there are many causes that can contribute to what is impacting the quality of your arousal, but …

Transcript So the question becomes, when does it reach a tipping point? Where it goes from sort of pleasure seeking and part of a satisfying masturbation experience to something that feels compulsive and maybe leads to intrusive thoughts when you don’t have access. I think part of why porn is so intentionally addicting is because …

Transcript So the first thing i wanted to know is that its normal to ask the question, is my penis normal? The part though most people tend to focus on is the size of your penis and whether or not in someways its measuring up to sort of the average guy, and most importantly whether …