How to Flirt

Transcript Rachel: Hey there, I am Rachel Dealto. I’m flirting and communications expert and the author of “Flirt Fearlessly.” And my goal is to help people communicate better and connect in everyday life and online. Hunt: Hi. My name is Hunt Ethridge. I am senior coach at New York Dating Coach. And I’m also one …

Transcript Hunt: You know what’s one of the worst things to hear when you’e going out on a date right at the beginning? What do I do? Rachael: Oh, that’s a nonstarter. Hunt: What’s sexy in a guy? Rachael: Having him take control of it… Hunt: …Right… Rachael: …He had planned out everything… Hunt: …He’s …

Transcript Speaker 1: Can flirting solve your dating problems? Speaker 2: Well, duh. Speaker 1: Well, yes. But to a certain degree. Speaker 2: Well, you could still be a bad dater, I guess. But if your dating problem is meeting people to date, then yes, it can absolutely solve that problem. Speaker 1: I’ve …

Transcript Hunt Ethridege: So, have you ever been on an online dating site? Rachael DeAlto: I have. Hunt: I have, too. I think it’s a fairly normal thing these days. Rachael: Yeah. Hunt: A lot of people get on them. Rachael: Great tool. Hunt: Absolutely. One of the things, though, that it can really influence …

Transcript Speaker 1: Everyone wants to achieve success, right? Speaker 2: Absolutely. Speaker 1: To me, what is success without someone to share it with. I think that’s arguably, I know, seriously, it’s the most important thing, I feel, in life. If you were going to learn a new language, or learn a new job …

Transcript – Hunt Ethridge:So, there’s a big difference between body language and non-verbal communication. Body language is obviously what you’re doing with your body, what it says. Non-verbal communication is your actions, more so. For instance, is chivalry dead? – Rachel DeAlto:No, it’s not dead. It shouldn’t be dead. – Hunt:No, it’s not. What are …

Transcript Rachael DeAlto: They want to know how can you tell if your flirting’s working. Hunt Ethridge: I do want to know. Rachael: I would want to know, too. I think that the number one thing that you can look for to see if it’s working is the body language. Hunt: Absolutely, without a doubt. …

Transcript Rachael DeAlto: So, we talk a lot about things to say when we’re flirting, but there’s a lot of stuff that we should never say. Hunt Ethrideg: Oh, you got to shy away from some stuff. Rachael: Yeah. I talk about this in my book because I have worked with so many people that …

Transcript – Rachel DeAlto:There’s times when your flirting is not going to work, or it’s going to want too work well. – Hunt Ethridge:Nobody can bat a thousand. – Rachel:No, so when it’s not working, I like to step away respectfully, because I believe in Karma, and that it all comes back to you. So, …

Transcript Rachael DeAlto: Wingman and wingwoman are the secret to your dating success. Hunt Etheridge: Essential. Rachael: Absolutely. What they are are some. What a wingwoman is is a woman that goes out with you that helps you meet people, helps you approach, and helps you connect with people when you might be a little …

Transcript Rachel DeAlto: Confidence is the number one thing you need when you’re flirting. Hunt Ethridge: Absolutely. In general. Rachel: By far. Well, in general, but especially if you’re going to put yourself out there and want someone to be attracted to you. Attraction comes from confidence. Hunt: Yeah. Rachel: And people are all attracted …

Transcript Rachael DeAlto: Rejection sucks. Hunt Ethridge: It does. Rachael: Big time. But, it’s a part of dating. It’s a part of flirting. It’s a part of life. You’re going to get rejected by people for love interests. And you’re going to get rejected for jobs. There’s a lot of stuff that, kind of, you …

Transcript Rachel DeAlto:My point is this, people can flirt anywhere, absolutely anywhere you can start a conversation and get your flirt on. But, there are some places that are better than others, and I’ve dedicated a whole chapter in my book really about finding the best places to flirt. Hunt Ethridge:And. – Rachel:And, coming in …

Transcript – Hunt Ethridge:Hey, Rachel, is that a mirror in your pocket? – Rachel DeAlto:Why? – Hunt:Because I can really see myself in your pants. – Rachel:Ha, ha, ha. – Hunt:This is a classic example of what not to do. – Rachel:Ever. – Hunt:Lines, pick up lines, do they work? – Rachel:No, unless they’re really …

Transcript Rachael DeAlto: Alright, this is neither one of our strong suits, but… Hunt Etheridge: Subtlety… Rachael: …it’s a really important thing to learn. And we can be subtle. Hunt: Yeah, you have to be sometimes, too. Rachael: Because in every situation it’s different. So, flirting subtly is about not being completely overt. You’re not …

Transcript – Hunt Ethridge:Well, a lot of people, when they’re talking about dating, they want to know results and data and things because it’s so nebulous.They don’t know really how to get in it. There’s two real things at play. There’s our make up, biology, for instance. – Rachel DeAlto:It’s not my make-up. Hunt: It’s …

Transcript Rachel DeAlto:So, flirting on Skype. It’s a digital age. Skype is an amazing tool. Hunt Ethridge:Absolutely. Rachel:First of all, it’s free. And you can talk to people all over the world on it. And it’s especially good in long-distance relationships. Hunt: Key, clutch, in long-distance relationships. Rachel:Huge, because you need to be able to …

Transcript Speaker 1: Ring, ring! Speaker 2: Hello? Speaker 1: Hey, it’s Haunt, how are you? Speaker 2: I’m great, how are you? Speaker 1: Good! I just wanted to, you know, let you know I was thinking about you walking home and I just wanted to say ‘hey, what are you up to today?’ …

Transcript Rachael DeAlto: Are you feeling shy? Hunt Ethrideg: I’m a little bit shy. Rachael: A little bit? Hunt: A little bit. Rachael: Well, you need to flirt too as a shy person. Hunt: But it’s, how? It’s so difficult. Everyone’s like talkative and then they do things. What does a shy person do? Rachael: …

Transcript Hunt: Sometimes you want to flirt subtly, and sometimes you don’t want to flirt subtly. You want to take it dirty, and you want to be fun with it too because you don’t want to be crude. You don’t want to walk up to someone and say, “Hey, nice…” yeah, that’s not going to …

Transcript Rachel: Flirting online. Hunt: Got to do it. Rachel: It’s an awesome forum. Hunt: Exactly. A lot of people look at it as so odd or taboo. “Well I’m not going to go online.” Why not? When one more place that you can meet somebody. And of course, you’re going to run into the …

Transcript – Hunt Ethridge:What did you get? – Rachel DeAlto:I got a message. – Hunt: What does it say? – Rachel:Dirty, I can’t read it. – Hunt:Really? So do you flirt over text too? – Rachel:Of course I do. – Hunt:What’s the most fun thing that you like to do? – Rachel:You know, I think …

Transcript – Rachel DeAlto:Touch. – Hunt Ethridge:Flirt. – Rachel:Touch is a really important part about flirting. People can either use too much or too little, and some people are huggy – they’re hugging you all the time. Other people are completely terrified of being touched by anybody. So, it’s all about finding the right balance. …

Transcript – Rachel DeAlto:Okay. So, I know you guys go to the mall a lot. In my teens I was an avid mall goer. I also grew in New Jersey so it’s pretty much par for the course. – Hunt Ethridge:Same with me, I grew up upstate New York, and as a kid there’s not …

Transcript Speaker 1: I know that a lot of first dates or group dates happen at the movies. Rachel: Yes. Speaker 1: And it’s stereotypical that people get their first kisses, or first dot dot dot, at the movies. Oh, the old yawn. So, we just wanted to go over a few ways that you …

Transcript – Hunt:Hi. – Rachel:Hey. – Hunt: Hey, how you doing? My name is Hunt. – Rachel:My name is Rachel. – Hunt: Nice to meet you, Rachel. Do you live here? – Rachel:I do. I live right up stairs, actually. – Hunt:Oh, cool. It’s my first time visiting and I’m thinking about moving here. – …

Transcript Speaker 1: Alright, let’s talk about flirting at the gym. Speaker 2: Well, first of all, you look fantastic. Speaker 1: Aw, thanks! That’s flirting. Speaker 2: So, I imagine you’ve probably had guys come up to you at the gym. Speaker 1: It’s an interesting place because I’m not a huge fan of …

Transcript So, Rachael, I was looking over these TPS Reports and not really sure of all of these line items. Can you help me understand them a little bit better. That one was for my hair. And that one was for my makeup. Right. And that was for. Do you need all those things? I …

Transcript Speaker 1: All right. So this is all about how to flirt at school. Speaker 2: OK. Cool. Sounds good. Speaker 1: So we’re in school. We have classroom setting, maybe there’s some lockers. Speaker 2: Hallways. Speaker 1: And there’s that guy that you were like, ‘[makes sound] He’s cute. How do I …

Transcript Speaker 1: All right ladies listen up. So, you’re married, you’re wifed up, you’re hanging out and making babies and doing all this fun stuff, but how do you keep that spark alive? How do you flirt with your husband? It’s really not that hard because no offense, don’t tell them. They’re kind of …

Transcript Hunt Ethrideg: One of the things that people ask me as a dating coach, they’re like, ‘Well, does it work?’ Well, it worked on someone at least because I’m married. Now, at the same… Rachael DeAlto: I was married. Hunt: Yeah, so we both know what it means to be in there. And one …

Transcript Speaker 1: So, we’re talking about to flirt when you’ve kind of already captured the object of your attention, like how to flirt with your girlfriend. And a lot of times, men being the prototypical hunters, we don’t know what to do with it a lot of times once we’ve captured it. Just because …

Transcript Okay so the topic is how to flirt with your boyfriend. Which is so important because ladies if you got them, you got to keep them. And it’s not done once you get them. Absolutely, you have to keep putting effort into it so there’s a couple different things that I suggest to women …

Transcript Speaker 1:All right. So Facebook is a huge part of flirting and dating. You can’t get around it (?) place . . . Speaker 2:It’s like a digital neighborhood. Speaker 1:Exactly, and you can’t get away from it, so you might as well use it to your advantage. I know personally so many women …

Transcript Hunt: We can’t ignore technology at all because so much of introductions these days at least first of people knowing who they are is done online. Between Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest, and Stumbleupon, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So knowing how to navigate in a digital world is very important. Rachel: Knowing …

Transcript Hunt: So high school, racing hormones, bouncing off the wall, figuring out who you are. Sometimes it’s a tough time to try to figure out the best ways of doing things. Looking back at some of the stuff I did in high school, like when you’re flirting with girls. That is the dumbest thing …

Transcript Speaker 1: Let’s talk about how to flirt in high school, because I know a lot of people watching are in high school. They’re like, this is some tough stuff. Speaker 2: Yeah, it can be a lot of self discovery time. Speaker 1: Yeah. The thing is you want to discover yourself before …

Transcript Rachel: So let’s give some tips for women, because women need to flirt too. Hunt: They do. Rachel: They actually need to flirt just as much as guys do. And they don’t think it. So my first tip for women is to redefine what flirting is in your head, make sure that you understand …

Transcript Speaker 1: Tips to give guys in order to flirt. The main one that I would say is try to be comfortable. I know this is a really, really difficult thing because you’re usually not comfortable when you go up but find topics of conversation that you’re comfortable talking about. Find a place, an …

Transcript Rachael DeAlto: You wanna know how to flirt with your crush. Which, it can be really intimidating when you like somebody. We’ve all been there when you’re like, “Oh, I really.” I, you know, you like make him a mix tape back in the 80’s and I just dated myself. But, there’s all these …

Transcript Hunt Etheridge: Um, hi! How you doing? Rachael DeAlto: Hi. Hunt: Hi. You, ah, come around here? Rachael: No. Hunt: Why not? Like, this is a great place to be. It’s a fun, fun area. You don’t look like you’re having fun. Rachael: No, I don’t really like it here. Hunt: Well, can I …

Transcript Speaker 1: So, so many guys ask you, how well, how do you flirt? How do you know, what is interesting about it? How do you get it going and doing? And it sounds like it’s such a simple question, but obviously it’s layered with some many nuances. The first thing is every girl …

Transcript Rachael DeAlto: All right so I might have a little experience in this one. Hunt Ethridge: Think so? Rachael: Maybe a little bit about how to flirt with guys. And it’s such a great topic because a lot of women feel like they can’t flirt with guys because they’re gonna come off as easy …

Transcript Speaker 1: So, you come here often? Speaker 2: Wow. That’s one of the one’s you hear so often and people try to figure out the best thing. What’s the worst thing you’ve heard? Speaker 1: I think that one was pretty bad, actually. Speaker 2: Yeah, that’s pretty good. Speaker 1: You know, …