How to Improve Your Communication Skills

Instructions Step 1: Be aware Be aware of the situations that leave you feeling a need for more space, self-respect, or personal power. These are the ones that require you to set boundaries. Step 2: Set firm boundaries Set personal boundaries on what you will accept in a relationship. Articulate those boundaries in a a …

Instructions Step 1: Consider your motivation Ask yourself if you really want to move forward with the relationship if your partner accepts your ultimatum. Don’t deliver ultimatums out of insecurity, anger, or frustration. Step 2: Weigh likelihood of success Offer an ultimatum when you feel that there’s a good chance the person will choose you. …

Instructions Step 1: Let them vent Listen with a nonjudgmental ear — let the other person vent. Allow them to simply think out loud and air their feelings. But listen closely to what they’re saying. Nod your head to let them know they’re being heard. TIP: A good rule of thumb is to give suggestions …

Instructions Step 1: Take notes Take notes as soon as you notice something is wrong and you can’t call immediate attention to it. This way you can get all the facts straight when you tell your side of the story. TIP: Keep a paper trail that includes dates and names of people you talked to …

Instructions Step 1: Affirm the present Speak encouragements and affirmations in the present tense, rather than the future. Positively hoping for something yet to come denies the good you experience now. TIP: A Penn State study discovered we have many more negative words in our vocabulary than ones for positively identified emotions. Step 2: Reconsider …

Instructions Step 1: Know the signals women send Recognize the body language that indicates a woman is interested in you: hair-smoothing and tossing; lip-licking; and glancing around the room followed by brief eye contact and a smile. Many women complain men are not good at picking up these flirting cues. Step 2: Shut up and …

Instructions Step 1: Avoid Avoid conflict. The best way to get out of trouble is to avoid getting into it in the first place. Step 2: Create a diversion Create a diversion. If you are faced with a particularly difficult conversation, create a diverse to get out of it. Use compliments, say you have call …

Instructions Step 1: Stay calm Be patient — the new romances, updated spiritual philosophies, or psychedelic experimentation that lead to creative differences are often short-lived. Your partner’s tastes will probably revert before you need to say anything. Step 2: Make subtle suggestions If differences persist, address them. Make passive-aggressive comments about your partner’s personal life, …

Instructions Step 1: Look through pictures Look through pictures, from magazines or family photos, and have the child identify the emotion they perceive — practice makes perfect. TIP: Search online for interactive facial expression games. Step 2: Role-play responses Role-play appropriate behavioral responses. Guide and challenge, helping children to figure things out for themselves rather …

Instructions Step 1: Communicate Communicate honestly with each other about the issue. Keep an atmosphere where you and your lover can both comfortably speak your minds. Step 2: Apologize Make the first move and apologize. Step 3: Forgive Forgive. We all make mistakes. Step 4: Forget Resolve the conflict and forget about the past. Focus …

Instructions Step 1: Notice the distance Notice the distance away from you at which a person is standing. The closer someone stands to you, the more comfortable they feel with you. Step 2: Read body signals Read body signals. Notice hand gestures, stance, and movement. Crossed arms indicate defensiveness, while open arms and hands suggest …

Instructions Step 1: Ask questions Ask specific and direct questions to make it hard for verbal people to take the conversation into another direction, and take control. Step 2: Acknowledge Acknowledge the conversation stealer by restating what they said and then invite others to respond. Step 3: Ask others Mention another person’s name other than …

Instructions Step 1: Organize your thoughts Organize your thoughts and plan for the confrontation but don’t let the transgression go or wait too long. Step 2: Go straight to the source Go straight to the source and focus on one person or event at a time. Too many could make you seem scatterbrained and inconsistent. …

Instructions Step 1: Wear something eye-catching Wear one eye-catching detail. A funny or unusual T-shirt slogan, a dash of sequins, brightly colored shoes, or a bold, offbeat accessory will make people notice you immediately. Step 2: Be confident Carry yourself with confidence. Having good posture and outgoing body language will make you seem at ease …

Instructions Step 1: Organize your thoughts Organize your thoughts in your head before telling someone how you feel. Step 2: Make time Set aside time to meet with the person you want to talk to. TIP: Pick an environment without distractions. Step 3: Be confident Be confident and go for it. Speak your mind and …

Instructions Step 1: Get on with it Stay busy at work or focus on your family when the world seems to fall apart. Refuse to allow your emotions to rule and accept the inevitability. TIP: Read “Murphy’s Law” about the regularity of setbacks and supposedly bad luck. If they happen almost every day, how could …

Instructions Step 1: Enunciate clearly Enunciate clearly and speak slowly enough to be understood. Get it right the first time. Step 2: Listen actively Listen actively, reinforcing their message with statements such as, “Yes, I see.” Restate their points with instant feedback like, “What I hear you saying is…” so they know they have been …

Instructions Step 1: Find out what it was Find out what the offense was before apologizing, or risk making things worse by coming off as patronizing. Be willing to act responsibly and make peace. Step 2: Avoid blaming Take responsibility. Avoid qualifying reservations for the apology, which usually begin with “but” and end with a …

Instructions Step 1: Relax Relax and stay calm when you acknowledge that you are wrong. Step 2: Avoid excuses When you apologize, avoid making excuses. A simple “I’m sorry” is appreciated more than an “I’m sorry, but I was really busy.” TIP: Maintain eye contact while you’re apologize. Step 3: Admit your mistake Be honest …

Instructions Step 1: Accept Accept the facts of your situation. TIP: Be objective without pointing a finger or making yourself a victim. Step 2: Understand Understand the reasons why the person hurt you. People are rarely malicious without reason. Most conflicts arise from misunderstanding. Step 3: Look back Look back on a time when someone …

Instructions Step 1: Listen Take time to listen to the other person. Do not attempt to dominate every conversation. TIP: Don’t insist on winning every argument or on always having the last word. Step 2: Forgive Be willing to overlook faults in the other person. TIP: Remember that you, too, have faults. Step 3: Seek …

Instructions Step 1: Organize your thoughts Take time to organize your thoughts before telling them to someone else. You need to understand what you’re feeling before you express it. TIP: Write down your thoughts in a notebook; it will help you sort out what is important. Step 2: Don’t wait until you’re fed up Talk …

Instructions Step 1: Accept yourself Accept yourself and enjoy life. Look at your own habits of avoidance and manipulation and be honest about your need to feel guilty or responsible when someone wants to get a reaction out of you. TIP: If you act like nothing is wrong, you could end up imitating passive-aggressive people …

Instructions Step 1: Find a point of weakness Find a point of weakness in your victim. Look for imperfections that can be easily targeted with an insult. If you know the victim, consider focusing on features of their personality that can be exploited. Step 2: Make your insult the punch line Just like a joke, …

Instructions Step 1: Listen Listen patiently to the person who is criticizing you, take mental notes, and try to hold in your emotions. Step 2: Ask questions Ask the critic to explain exactly what they expect from you. Step 3: Reflect on conversation Reflect on your conversation and look at criticism as a way to …

Instructions Step 1: Write down promises Write down promises you have made to yourself and to others on a piece of paper. TIP: Break down big promises into smaller steps. Step 2: Organize Organize your schedule in order to keep promises. Step 3: Track your promises Track the progress of your promises in a journal. …

Instructions Step 1: Practice breathing and relaxation exercises Practice breathing and relaxation exercises in anticipation of resolving a conflict. This skill will help you maintain your calm during an argument. Step 2: Show that you’re committed Let the other person know that you’re committed to understanding them and resolving your differences. TIP: A cooling-off period …

Instructions Step 1: Start small Start small by asking for things that are not very important to you from people you trust. Step 2: Identify something important Identify something important to ask for once you have built up confidence from asking for less important things. Step 3: Write a script Write a script asking for …

Instructions Step 1: Know the types Know the types of difficult people, and determine which type you’re dealing with. Common ways to be difficult include passive-aggressiveness, open aggressiveness, constant complaining, and destructive criticism. Step 2: Realize whose problem it is Understand whether this is even your problem. Difficult people are usually being that way because …

Instructions Step 1: Avoid eye contact Don’t make eye contact with someone you want to ignore. If you see them on the street, look away. Step 2: Keep focused Focus on using your cell phone or searching for something in your pockets if they try to get your attention. TIP: Use your mp3 player anytime …

Instructions Step 1: Choose a gender Determine whether you want a male or female roommate, and how either will affect your lifestyle. Step 2: Decide on an age range Decide the age group a roommate would belong to in order to be compatible with your current lifestyle and life preferences. Step 3: Consider personality Decide …

Instructions Step 1: Prepare Prepare for the call by gathering all the information you need, like account numbers, receipts, and statements. Write out a list of issues so you can explain them concisely, and keep a pen and pad handy. Consider using a headset or speakerphone to reduce neck strain during the call. Step 2: …

Instructions Step 1: Understand people who like to argue Understand that argumentative people, especially if they tend to become aggressive, have a deep-rooted personal problem. They like to argue, and they like to win – period. TIP: Unlike people who enjoy the mental exercise of debate, argumentative people argue because of the sense of power …

Instructions Step 1: Rehearse the bad news Practice saying the bad news and focus on words or phrases to use and ones to avoid. Step 2: Meet in private Meet somewhere private where you can talk quietly without interruption, such as a bedroom, bathroom, or windowless office. TIP: Bring a friend or family member along …

Instructions Step 1: Interrupt the person Interrupt the person politely during a pause in the conversation and take control of the discussion. Step 2: Comment on situation Make a comment on your surroundings. This can help redirect a conversation if a discussion stalls or becomes uncomfortable. Step 3: Give them a compliment Give the person …

Instructions Step 1: Encourage talking Encourage someone to talk about themselves by asking questions like, ‘What do you do for a living?’ or “What kinds of movies do you like?” TIP: People are flattered by someone’s interest and like to talk about themselves. Step 2: Show interest Display an interest in a wide range of …

Instructions Step 1: Change the subject Change the subject before things go too far, and express your desire to drop it. Step 2: Maintain silence If the other person continues to argue, maintain silence, listening but not engaging, so the argument is over before it starts. Don’t add fuel to the fire. TIP: When you …

Instructions Step 1: Be nice Maintain a friendly disposition. The last thing you want is a snooper for an enemy. Step 2: Don’t answer questions Be vague when they ask questions. If they ask, “Where are you going?” simply answer, “Out.” Step 3: Exaggerate greetings Exaggerate your greetings. Be overly animated when you see them …

Instructions Step 1: Assess the situation Assess the noise level and decide if confronting your neighbors is really worth the possible conflict. Remember, no one is quiet all the time. TIP: If one of you is new to the building or neighborhood, introduce yourself! This will make future encounters much easier. Step 2: Know your …

Instructions Step 1: Just say “no” Just say “no” – don’t offer any reasons for your refusal. Simply say, “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.” Then change the subject. Otherwise, you invite the person to challenge your excuse. TIP: Make sure your body language conveys “no” by standing up straight and looking the asker in …

Instructions Step 1: Don’t back off Don’t back down. Calmly document your points with objective facts. Step 2: Disarm opponent Disarm your opponent by asking clarifying questions and using their answers against them. Step 3: Cross-examine Cross-examine the other person and let them tie themselves up in their own logic. Once you threaten their ego, …

Instructions Step 1: Praise her beauty Praise her beauty. It can be a general “you are so gorgeous,” or more specific, like, “you have the most kissable lips.” Just keep it clean, unless she’s an intimate partner. And remember: “Beautiful” always trumps “cute” in the game of compliment-giving. TIP: Be careful not to get too …

Instructions Step 1: Prepare Come prepared to discuss current events and the arts. If you’ve met these people before, remember what you know about them so you can weave it into the conversation. TIP: Avoid negative or controversial topics and stay away from long, detailed stories. Step 2: Introduce yourself Say hello, shake hands, and …

Instructions Step 1: Count to 10 Declare a “time out” when you feel anger rising. Remove yourself from the situation. Counting to 10 can buy time to defuse your temper. Step 2: Do something physical Take a brisk walk or go for a run to exhaust an angry impulse. Swim, dig in the garden – …

Instructions Step 1: Make him feel strong Acknowledge it when he does something that demonstrates physical strength. Men like to be thought of as powerful. TIP: If you can sincerely find something to praise about his arms or his stomach, do so. Surveys show those are the areas men are most self-conscious about. Step 2: …

Instructions Step 1: Pay attention to your gut feelings Take your gut feelings seriously, and pay attention to them. If your gut tells you to stay away from a needy neighbor, heed the advice. Step 2: Establish boundaries Be clear about boundaries and what you will and will not tolerate. If a needy neighbor violates …

Instructions Step 1: Shift the subject Shift the subject by listening for words in a conversation that can lead you to a memorable or funny situation off the current topic. Step 2: Distract the speaker Distract the speaker by asking if they or anyone listening to the conversation needs a drink or a snack. TIP: …

Instructions Step 1: Smile and say, “Thank you” Smile and say, “Thank You” when someone offers you a compliment. Step 2: Avoid deflection Avoid deflecting the compliment or pointing out your weaknesses. This is a sign of low self-esteem. TIP: Teach children to accept a compliment so that they will be more comfortable with receiving …

Instructions Step 1: Gather samples and assess Gather as many handwriting samples as you can from the person you want to analyze. Spontaneously written samples are best. TIP: Signatures are deliberate and won’t reveal much. Step 2: Look at size Notice the size of the writing. Large writing indicates someone looking for attention, while small …

Instructions Step 1: Separate and chill Take time alone, find a dark room, plug your ears, and sit still until calm returns. Step 2: Relax your body Relax each part of your body in succession, blanking-out negative thoughts. Step 3: Cry and recover Cry. Studies show crying can energize the immune system and reduce stress …

Instructions Step 1: Search the internet Search the internet. There are countless web sites dedicated to helping prisoners find pen pals. Step 2: Read the ads Read the prisoners’ ads. Most sites give you personal details about the inmates. Step 3: Look for similarities Look for a prisoner with whom you have common interests. Step …

Instructions Step 1: Be well-informed Begin every day with a quick review of the news so you’re never stuck for a conversation starter. Step 2: Find an opener If you prefer a more personal approach, quickly scan a person’s outfit for something you can use to initiate a conversation. Step 3: Start with a smile …

Instructions Step 1: Reflect and prepare Reflect on what you want to say to the person and prepare a clear message. Be honest with yourself regarding any ill will you might harbor. Step 2: Maintain respect Maintain unconditional respect for the person. Everyone, including you, is doing the best they can. Step 3: Know the …

Instructions Step 1: Keep it simple. Research shows that rumors are more likely to spread if they are uncomplicated. TIP: Keep the cruelty in check. Remember that rumors have the potential to ruin reputations. Step 2: Include a vivid detail that is easy to envision, which helps plant the story in people’s minds, as well …

Instructions Step 1: Speak deliberately Speak slowly and deliberately. People who do are seen as more informed on the subject they’re expounding on than fast talkers. Step 2: Smile Smile more. In one study, participants who were asked to guess a person’s intelligence simply by looking at their picture rated those who were smiling as …

Instructions Step 1: Ask and then listen Ask a question and then quietly and patiently listen to the entire response. Don’t give your opinion unless asked. Stay focused and avoid rehearsing a response in your head – people can sense that. Step 2: Maintain eye contact Maintain eye contact while the person is speaking. TIP: …

Instructions Step 1: Understand triggers Understand what triggers impatience in you. When you feel impatient, notice what happens just before you lose it. Step 2: Counteract triggers Counteract your triggers with something calming such as counting to 10 or walking away. Step 3: Visualize Visualize how you will act the next time you feel impatient. …

Instructions Step 1: Explain your offense Explain your offense to be sure you and the offended are talking about the same thing. Step 2: Acknowledge the hurt Acknowledge that the offended person is hurt, to respect their feelings. TIP: Make things easier by bringing a thoughtful gift, such as flowers. Step 3: Take responsibility Take …

Instructions Step 1: Call. Pick up the phone and engage the person in conversation – encourage and listen to them. Step 2: Send a card. Whether through snail mail or e-mail, the right greeting can put a smile on the saddest face. Step 3: Ask the person out. Go for a walk, fly a kite, …

Instructions Step 1: Wash your hands Wash your hands. Step 2: Shape your lips Stretch your lips over your teeth, covering them completely. TIP: Keep your lips relaxed. Step 3: Choose a finger style Choose a finger style. Use your index fingers, middle fingers, or pinkies and keep a small gap between the tips. Step …

Instructions Step 1: Ask them outright Look them directly in the eye, ask them outright –and then don’t say another word. Stare at someone long enough, and they’ll say almost anything to fill the silence. Step 2: Ask for a hint Still not talking? Ask for a hint. If you can get them to take …

Instructions Step 1: Confront the problem Let the person know you’re unhappy. He may not be aware he’s doing things that bug you. Step 2: Get feedback Ask him what you do that annoys him. This way, he won’t feel he’s being attacked. Step 3: Negotiate Negotiate. Tell him that if he stops blowing his …

Instructions Step 1: Prime them Use your body language to make the person comfortable around you. Smile, tilt your head to one side when you’re listening to them, keep your arms unfolded, and point your torso and feet toward theirs. Step 2: Read their palms Gauge how relaxed they are by reading their palms. Are …

Instructions Step 1: Watch yourself speak Stand in front of the mirror, and pretend you’re having a conversation with a friend. It’s much easier to identify the places where you slur if you watch yourself speak. Step 2: Stretch and relax your face Stretch your face as wide as it will go, and then scrunch …